Two Birthdays in Septemberfeatured

It was September 1st and so it was Gustav’s birthday.  A canine safe birthday cake and a special cookout was planned with everyone important to dachshunds in attendance.  Johann even wore his “It’s Party Time!” tie for the occasion and Bowie was frightened by the birthday balloons.

On that weekend we were all relaxing on the porch when Jeremy reminded me that his own birthday was coming up the following week.  He asked me what I had planned.

I hadn’t planned anything–I’d been busy with work and Gustav’s birthday celebrations–and I said so.  “Maybe we could go to the wine bar,” I suggested.  Jeremy gave me an irritated look from over his old fashioned.  “Are you telling me that Gustav, a DOG, got his own party, cake, guests, presents, balloons–the balloons were ridiculous by the way, there was NO reason for those–for his birthday, but your own husband doesn’t get any kind of celebration or party???”

“Gustav is my baby,” I reminded him.  Gustav himself was sitting in my lap at the time and gave Jeremy a smug and satisfied smile.  I wrapped my arms around the chocolate and tan dachshund and gave him a big hug.  “You are the joy of my heart, I love you so much, I can’t live without my Gustav and Johann Sebastian!”

Jeremy slammed down his old fashioned and scowled.  “I don’t remember the last time you talked to ME like that.  This is just embarrassing.  I’m your SPOUSE.  Sometimes I think you love those dachshunds more than me.”

I gave him an awkward grin but said nothing.

“Wait.  You do love me more than them, right?”

A long silence followed, then–

Jeremy exploded with shouting to the delight of the dachshunds, who jumped from the couch and started to dance with glee.  To the tune of “Camptown Races” they burst into song:

“She loves us more than you

Doo dah, doo dah

There’s nothing that you can do

Oh doo dah day!”

(They joined paws and danced in a circle)

“Going to bark all night!

Going to pee all day!

Dachshund treachery’s now your life

If you want Mama to stay!”

Jeremy just stared at them, a man who had during the course of our relationship completely lost the reins over his own home and was continuously outmaneuvered, outwitted and outgunned by two treacherous dachshunds.

He stabbed an accusatory finger in my direction.  “You’re lucky that I love you so much and think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.  And dang it, I never thought I’d say this, but I love them too.”